I remember so well sitting on the bed with my little 3 week old Annie, it was 2pm and I hadn’t managed to get out of my pajamas but that was OK as it was wet and miserable outside and I thought a day (or 90) of books and playing will do no harm. Bella had went down for a nap and I was left with a sleeping newborn who I sat staring at knowing that these moments would soon be a thing of the past when my little newborn was more aware she was born and had a world to be exploring.
I was tired, emotional and a little vulnerable as Colin had just went back to work and I had a baby that had just started to cluster feed and a toddler that wanted to play and burn off energy.
In that moment, in my sleep deprived, hormone imbalanced, hazed state my heart was bursting, it was all too much to handle as I felt the lump grow in my throat. I should have been napping too but I wanted to soak in that moment of calm amist the chaos. No doubt the night before I paced the floors with a windy baby and Bella probably had a tantrum or 3 before 1pm.
I took a photo and posted it on my Instagram, I was capturing a moment, a memory, a feeling that I wanted to hold on too. That’s how many of my pics come about, a moment I am loving and wanting to hold on to.
Well many times I have read comments about mums making motherhood seem like it’s all roses, that the pretty pictures and nice words aren’t real life and in a culture now where moaning is when you are keeping it real, being honest, being authentic sometimes I want to let myself enjoy it without fear of being seen as being fake and unapologetically say you know what, this is awesome… Bloody hard and exhausting but awesome!!
I never thought of myself to have been the maternal type, I was career focused and perhaps pretty selfish so I was extremely apprehensive when pregnant with Bella about how I would take to motherhood. Everyone has their struggles but when I see someone enjoy whatever they are doing I think it’s great to uplift them and support them then just as much as when someone is struggling. When we support one another we can do it through the hard times and the good.
This weekend I got asked how Annie was as a baby, I had to pause as I was about to tell the lady about her rough year with the reflux but I stopped myself, smiled and said she was great but very attached to me. The reason I didn’t tell her was because she was a recently bereaved mum and I would have felt stupid telling her of our ‘hard times’ though it doesn’t make our hard days any easier but it does help to put it into prespective.
So I will continue to unashamedly focus on the great things of motherhood, be so proud of my 2 amazing and healthy little girls, recognise the struggles and rejoice in the amazing times that make it all so worthwhile. After all every rose has its thorns but it’s what you choose to focus on.
I posted a while back on the real life behind pretty pictures on Insta if you want to see it Here
(How many song lyrics are in this post 🙈)