Last week I spent most of my days (and nights) at work… By Friday Bella asked me when I was going to babysit her again.
I can just about write that now, never mind say it. Goodness they know how to knock you and bring you into check.
I replayed her words over and over again. I tried to make a joke about it when I told my dad knowing that if I said it in a serious voice I might cry.
Tonight I needed to send a text asking if mum could feed and bath the kids, it wasn’t sent lightly but sometimes it’s just not as easy to walk out at 5pm.
The next few weeks may not be any better but the days off we have together will be pure quality, don’t expect any nice pics of a clean house on my Instagram… Babywipes and firing things in cupboards will be the height of that.
I don’t feel guilty anymore though*, a wise friend told me it’s such a wasted emotion and it doesn’t improve anything. I love my job too and behind my job there are a lot of people, sometimes they will need me to be there for them and other times the girls will need me to be around a lot more and that’s exactly where I will be.
Maybe balance isn’t 50/50 everyday, or every week, it’s accepting that now and again you will feel that you are totally failing at something but knowing that within seconds, if need be, you will be there.
* I may sound like I have this totally nailed and am 100% confident in saying I am not feeling guilty but I have to decide to try and feel this way many nights, while holding back the tears (sometimes unsuccessfully) and fighting the desire to go in and lift my babies for another little cuddle.
Have a great week!